Very old dogs... (For ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
counterstep)
Sep. 4th, 2021 10:08 amcall_4766626Tony was at odds with himself.
He understood that Bucky had been brainwashed, that he had no control over his actions, but that didn't take away the fact that he killed his mom, that he killed his dad. Tony had sworn to himself that he would never forgive Bucky that. How could he? He had lost so much and spiraled so hard and deep after their deaths.
And then to find out that it wasn't an accident. That it wasn't his father, the driver of the car that had crashed and who he'd thought had been responsible for Maria dying too. He'd taken another mental nose-dive. Of course, he had. Steve had known and not told him. That betrayal stung too: Steve chose Bucky over him.
Maybe it was petty, especially when Bucky was working hard to take back what he could, proving himself to be a good guy really. But it wouldn't have been the first petty path Tony chose to walk in his life.
He would have carried on like that, avoiding Barnes as much as possible, certainly not making any effort to be civil with him, until that revelation came out of the blue. Bucky and Howard had been an item, back in the day. It turned everything on it's head, yet another tailspin. He couldn't help his curious nature, though. Tony wanted to know more about his dad, a part of the man that he'd never known, that so few had.
It meant he had to play nice.
It meant that he was sitting in a quiet diner, at an ungodly hour, drinking coffee and wishing it was scotch, waiting for the man who both killed and loved, apparently, his dad to show.
He understood that Bucky had been brainwashed, that he had no control over his actions, but that didn't take away the fact that he killed his mom, that he killed his dad. Tony had sworn to himself that he would never forgive Bucky that. How could he? He had lost so much and spiraled so hard and deep after their deaths.
And then to find out that it wasn't an accident. That it wasn't his father, the driver of the car that had crashed and who he'd thought had been responsible for Maria dying too. He'd taken another mental nose-dive. Of course, he had. Steve had known and not told him. That betrayal stung too: Steve chose Bucky over him.
Maybe it was petty, especially when Bucky was working hard to take back what he could, proving himself to be a good guy really. But it wouldn't have been the first petty path Tony chose to walk in his life.
He would have carried on like that, avoiding Barnes as much as possible, certainly not making any effort to be civil with him, until that revelation came out of the blue. Bucky and Howard had been an item, back in the day. It turned everything on it's head, yet another tailspin. He couldn't help his curious nature, though. Tony wanted to know more about his dad, a part of the man that he'd never known, that so few had.
It meant he had to play nice.
It meant that he was sitting in a quiet diner, at an ungodly hour, drinking coffee and wishing it was scotch, waiting for the man who both killed and loved, apparently, his dad to show.
no subject
Date: 2021-09-04 08:37 pm (UTC)At the silo, his head had been clear, and when Tony had asked if he remembered, he had to lie, needed to make Tony hate him for it because Bucky hated himself too, for every single thing he had no control over and every single life he'd hurt and ruined in the process. Not all the memories were there at the time, of course. It would have been impossible with the amount of forced disassociation he'd been subjected to, the innumerable hours of torture he faced the moment he'd been claimed by HYDRA again. Remembering the crushing realization that Steve wasn't coming this time and how that had broken him, made him theirs, was hard enough on its own, but that he'd woken up sobbing when he remembered Howard and Maria, without understanding why that hurt so much worse, had been a different terror.
Bucky didn't comprehend until Shuri restored everything.
Part of him agreed to meeting with apprehension, not really wishing for retaliation on Tony's part, but a greater part of him wanted to be punished, further hated and loathed. It was Tony's right to end the story however he wanted, and to Bucky, this was already more than he could ask for, even if the ending was bitter and cold. He bore that in his thoughts as he walked in, the cheap chime ringing. A quick scan was enough for Bucky to find where Tony sat, and with a resigned sigh, he made his way over, taking the seat opposite.
"Hey."
no subject
Date: 2021-09-05 07:51 pm (UTC)"Hey," he couldn't manage a smile, but he gestured to the seat across from him in the booth.
The waitress hurried back over with a second mug and the coffee pot, before promising to be back to take orders soon. She looked thrilled, really. She clearly recognized Tony, and maybe she did Bucky too, or maybe she just enjoyed having buff young men at her booth. Honestly? Tony got that. Maybe he got what his father saw in him as well? He still needed to get his mind around that.
He stared at Bucky. It was either stare, or avoid looking at him at all.
"I don't know how to do this," he finally admitted.